Part 2: Adrift in the Ocean
Have you tried writing a thrilling story about being lost at sea but floundered over depicting exactly how the main character feels? He is all alone. He is on a small boat with hardly any sustenance. No fresh water. No land to be seen for miles in any direction. How do you articulate his trauma?
It is time for the second article in the series ‘Describe it Right!’ where we are going to learn to write on another very useful subject – adrift in the Ocean.
Imagine all the fearful thoughts that would hit your brain like arrows from all directions if you found yourself lost in the same way. You cannot analyse any of them clearly because there is a cascade of them, and they don’t seem to stop. You are imagining all the possible dangers you could be in. Dehydration. Sharks. Hunger. Nothing is making sense, and that is deterring you from thinking clearly.
How about this example? You can decide if this succinctly conveys all the fears in one’s head.
Johnny woke up feeling as if strong floodlights were directly hitting his eyes. A shrill stream of wind whizzed through one ear and out the next as he adjusted his eyes to the glow. The view came into focus. The open sky looming above his head made him jump up on his elbow and realise he was on a rubber raft. That rubber raft was floating on water, in the middle of an ocean. He quickly turned his head to the left and then to the right, giving him whiplash in the process. His throat felt dry and itchy; swallowing, his saliva felt like fire. Without looking, he rubbed his left arm with the other and quickly removed his right hand as he felt a searing pain emanate all over. He dropped his eyes and saw that his arms, chest, stomach, thigh and legs were red as a lobster. He was sunburnt so badly that even touching his skin felt like a thousand needles were pricking him with fury.
What did you notice in the example? Johnny is at first disoriented because he doesn’t know where he is. It slowly begins to dawn upon him that he is at a very different place than he had imagined even in his worst nightmare. Can you see how his senses begin to realise one by one that something is not right? First, he sees, then, he feels, and eventually, the reality of his situation dawns on him.
Note the use of certain words and phrases. The alliteration in the beginning focuses on the sensory awareness. Two senses are combined here to stress on the abject confusion that he is experiencing. Then we have a detailed description of what he does. At the end, the simile and the sensory descriptions are woven into the paragraph and made to look more natural, like almost telling a story of the description.
Such descriptive paragraphs should be slowly incorporated into the writing so that the reader too feels exactly like Johnny. Don’t rush into it. Even the most exciting revelation can be lost if not disclosed the right way. Pay attention to key details and keep out unnecessary ones. Instead of saying he was thirsty, show it. Don’t tell the reader that he was sunburnt. Make them feel it at the same time Johnny does.
There you go! Now you know how to describe yet another recurrent yet important topic. Till next time!