Learn2Write

Have you had a chance to travel with friends in a travel van? While travelling, the mood is usually ecstatic and the music is always upbeat. But, what if the music played (though the best) is constantly of the same beat and is broken in abrupt places? How would it be different if the DJ seamlessly transitioned between tracks by picking a similar beat or drip-feeding one track onto another and fading the other one out, like a smooth single song? Or how about if the movie played is just a sequence of different scenes abruptly cut at many places? The result would be a complete loss of interest generated due to a lack of elegant sequencing. 

Similarly, we have earlier seen that our travel experiences must be shared using implicit sensory images and linking words. Even then, though those carefully chosen sensory images cater to all five senses, there is still one issue left. Let’s see a typical example where one describes a deserted street at night from the perspective of a solitary walker to understand what that issue is.

“The dark desolate street rested in silence as the starry black sky loomed over the vacant surroundings. Amongst the closed shops, there was a lamppost. It was as solitary as every other inert thing on that street. The road stretched ahead, winding its way. Mewing cats and barking dogs walked along the path to drink water from the portholes that dotted the unkempt road…”

 This is a typical situation when images are simply thrown at the reader without effective transition in a descriptive essay. The description becomes a mere list of sensory images of the situation. The writer chucks everything at the reader with the hope that readers will be creeped out by the description of the deserted street. Here, the issue is that there is no sequencing – no anchor and the reader’s mind is at a loss. Now, this isn't a major problem, if we effectively transition between the items. Yet, many don't. So, how do we transition smoothly? We need to break down the original description.

• Moonlight stared down at the street. 
• The lamppost stood alone.
• Stray cats and dogs walking down the street filled with potholes.

After that, we need to look at how we could transition from the moonlight to the lamppost, and then from the lamppost to the stray animals on the street.

Moonlight stared down at the street. It was looking, gazing, focusing on one thing: a solitary lamppost amid deserted shops that stood quietly beside the street.The rest of the world was shrouded under a blanket of oozing and spreading ink. 

As opposed to the pitch black darkness, the lone streetlight with its weak light, fought to do its duty: shed some rays of light at the lonely passerby. Soft rays of light sheepishly slithered away from the post to the winding road, defeated. 

Slipping through the gravel and potholes, the rays extended their arms until they hit some moving creatures: stray animals that claimed the road to be their own. Scattered throughout the road were water-laden potholes that shimmered in the glow of the yellow street lamps. It made the animals partially visible, with an eerie glow. Consequently, distorted shadows danced through the length of the road and crossed the path of the solitary walker.

Did you note how the connection is made with sequenced vivid descriptions that are added to the base points that we stripped from the example?

Additionally, sprinkle a note of the mood of the passerby: These distorted shadows suggested disturbing thoughts to the man’s mind. With his eyes fixed on the bend on the road to cross the street, the passerby slowly quickened his pace, holding his breath, not wanting to disturb the nightlife on this deserted street. He just had one prayer on his lips: to reach home in one piece.

Did you see that by describing how the character reacts to his/her surroundings, the mood is created and the reader will feel it too? Additionally, since the traveller's perspective is what unites the entire picture into a harmonious whole, doing so helps to forge a connection between everything they see. Keep in mind that, you don't have the luxury of deploying jump scares as a scriptwriter does in movies. As a writer, you need to smoothly engage the reader’s senses and imagination to instil the desired mood.

If you would only remember one thing from this article, make it the fact that sequencing is what gives life to the framework of sensory images. Flesh the framework with appropriate gap fillers and this will make your travelogue/description pop in a way that might surprise even you.

Part 5: A Different Perspective

Have you imagined how life would be as someone or something else? Everyone has at some point in time written something from a different perspective. This perspective could be both living as well as non-living. The living ones mainly are animals or birds. The non-living ranges from a stationary car to a light bulb atop a high pole. Let us consider a living being’s perspective, namely a dog.

Everyone loves a dog, don’t they? Those among us who are dog owners are always trying to get into the heads of our pets and understand what they are thinking about. What is really going on in that furry little head of theirs? Those quizzical eyes are forever keeping us flummoxed about their mood and desires. Well, most of the time, they want treats; now that is easy to guess! But imagine writing about a dog being in their shoes. What if you could look inside the mind of one of those cute, cuddle-worthy canines even for an hour and collect their curious thoughts?

As a dog, we can write about our adventures, experiences and thoughts. What fun we had at the beach! What a treat the theme park was! How delicious that titbit off the dining table was! Ever imagined when dogs of all sizes and ages are feeling scared? How many of you dog lovers have your dogs cowering under your feet or curling up uncomfortably in their beds at the sound of thunder, or worse, firecrackers? What would be going through your head if you were one?

Could it be something like this?

My ever-active ears picked up on that familiar yet strange sound. He was here, again. The rumble seemed very soft but distinct. I looked over at Penny who seemed engrossed in her drawing. She didn’t seem to hear him. Then, did I imagine it? I admit I have thought about some lip-smacking gravies or biscuits that I swipe off plates when no one is looking. I even have dreams about running on the open grassland at full speed as the wind tickles my Yorkshire terrier furry ears and belly. Penny tells me numerous times that my legs often move vigorously while I sleep. But why on earth will I dream of someone scary like the rumble that is always searching for me like a predator? What did I ever do to him? I am no bigger than a rabbit in size and heart.

Then the sound came again. This time it was unmistakable. With louder explosions. Even Penny looked up from her colouring. Her eyes seemed to scan the ceiling from the right to the left. Then she looked towards where I was, and our eyes met. Her quizzical knitted brows unfurled and turned into wide arcs of realisation as she looked at me. From her eyes as wide as an open window, I knew that the look on my face must have been of pure horror. She saw it. She inhaled sharply in response and before I knew it, my legs leapt up on the bed, over the cushions and into her outstretched arms. She always knew how I felt at such times. I buried my face in the nook of her elbows as she wrapped her arms around my small body. The familiar smell from her was always a source of comfort for me. Hmmm…. butter cookies; she must have been munching on them earlier. Even I wanted one. But wait. I need my pursuer vanquished first.  

Then suddenly the monster that seemed quite far away was suddenly over our house. How did he get here so fast? The entire house shook from his thundering temper as he continued to strike the roof and tried to get in. He caused such loud sounds in anger that the entire sky echoed with it. This time I was sure he would get me. I have been elusive so far and always escaping in the nick of time, but he always seems to know where I am. In every room in the house where I hid it, he appeared, right outside the window. Even when I dug under the pillow, he seemed to find me. There was no relief from his relentless searching, I’m telling you. How did he always know where I was? But this time I was confident that Penny would save me. With her around, I always felt safe. She would tell him to go away and leave me alone.

Are you scared of thunder? What about loud crackers? Small animals are too. But how do they express that to you, the owners? Most of the time they think it is a sign of danger, so they begin shivering out of fear. Even our hands quake when we are scared, don’t they? In the above passage, do you notice the small details that make the thoughts and feelings of the dog even more distinct and feel like they could belong to an actual dog? Very playful yet sensitive to loud noises. They love to eat as well as play around. All those things are also woven into the lines without deviating from the main topic.

Can you see the numerous sensory details that have been incorporated into the paragraphs? For a topic like this where your thoughts and feelings play a key role, you must inundate the reader with as many sensory descriptions as you can. You must have also noticed that an innocent and sweet animal like a dog will not know what thunder or lightning is. For them, any loud sound will indicate some form of danger. That is why we have used personification to describe the loud thundering sound. They are scared mostly because they think they will be harmed.

Now, choose an animal and get writing about their thoughts and feelings!